This week's question from the ever so fantastic Babeland crew is, In what ways does motherhood make us better lovers? I think this is a great question since the assumption right off the bat is that over time we do become better lovers and I do think that can be the truth. The further we venture into motherhood and aging the more we understand about our bodies, our abilities and our responses. Let alone I think we get better at communicating those needs and desires if we work at it.
Maybe it's that so much of our time is no longer our own that we feel the need to get straight to the point ( pardon the pun!) or maybe it's because as mothers be begin to learn ( maybe from our children) that we can only really get what we ask for. So unless we ask directly and frankly for what we want we have little chance of getting anything close to what we need.
Perhaps in our younger pre baby years we make the mistake of thinking that our partners were mind readers and could hear our desperate mental pleas that went unvoiced during sex for "harder", "softer" or " a little to the left" and then we seem so surprised and disappointed when they keep on doing just the opposite! What an unfair expectation to put on a person we love. So to nowbe at the point where we are comfortable enough with a person to express these needs and desires surely makes us better lovers.
But perhaps we are deep into motherhood and still not expressing our true desires in matters sexual. What can we do to find that voice that gets past the sexual shame cast down on us during our childhoods, society or unwelcomed encounter. How do we become more comfortable with our own skin ( stretch marks and all!) enough to flash a bit, or more than a bit to the one we love?
My first choice is some of these fantastic books:
For those dealing with sex after sexual abuse Healing Sex can be a great book to check out. This coupled with the appropriate therapy can really mean regaining a healthy outlook on one of life's greatest pleasures.
Or maybe you skipped out on the sex-ed day in your highschool or worse yet your mom would not sign the permission slip so you are still a little fuzzy about how all your parts work and would like to learn how to rock your own world. If so, Sex for One is really the be all and end all but on the subject and I highly recommend it. Extra points for you if you then give your husband the full tour!
Just want to shake things up between the sheets a little? How about Sex with the Lights on It's casual and comfortable question and answer format makes it an easy and informative read that I really think couples should read together to spice things up.
And of course if you just want to know a bit more on how to handle your man, this book lays it all out there ( ooops.. another pun!)
Have fun!.. be sexy mama!