The Mindful Marriage - Marriage on Monday

Marriage on Monday is my attempt to answer the question I often get on how  Doc and I  have been able to maintain a strong dynamic marriage through a bunch of years and bunch of kids. I am thrilled to say that Doc and I will be co-writing this column in hopes of giving you a more balanced view.  Please know that "balanced" does not always mean delicate. I am not serious about much, .. in fact I am flippant and sassy about a whole lot of things but when it comes to my marriage I am serious as a heart attack. I am serious about it being strong, vital and sexy. About it bringing out the best in both of us and about it being an excellent example for our children.  I am pretty opinionated when it comes to this subject so feel free to take what works for you and leave the rest, and of course always leave a comment or a question!

My husband and I are very different people, where he is naturally all about the quietly mindful . I am rarely quite and have to be diligent ( dogged, determined)  in my pursuit of being mindful, sometimes to the point of writing myself a note to remember! I am pretty sure that the odds were not on us having a successful marriage and yet me have. We have  succeeded to the degree that both of us get asked on a pretty regular basis how we have done it, since as I have been told, " it shows".

Honestly  as I thought on this subject I was at a loss to know where to start.. it is much like having a whole beach and looking for the single particular grain of sand. Given that I figured I might as well start anywhere so...

Maddie says..
Keeping him in Mind

My personal  goal is to make sure that Doc knows how I feel about him everyday  from the way I greet him to the way we say goodbye and every place in between.  He is my handsome man and I let him know it each an every time I can.
This is a skill like any other.. if you don't use it, you lose it.
Does he smell good?.. tell him
Look good?- tell him
Did something nice for you - tell him!
Make sure to have his favorite drink on hand
Notice the little things and see what you can do to make them happen
Never, and I mean NEVER, take for granted how hard he works every day.

Go one step further, tell someone else, go on.. tell them how great your husband is!
 Be brave, brag about him in front of your friends. What the hell, let them be jealous that he brings you coffee in bed each day, opens up the car door for you or gets up and takes care of the kids so you can sleep in a bit.

I am not crazy, I know you are busy, I know the dog just threw up something awful on the rug and there is a faint noise of water running somewhere in the house, but do it anyway. Take a moment to remember why you fell in love with him and that electric-tingley way you used to feel when you first saw that?.. ok.. now go say something about it!
What?.. he's not there.. text him!
Just do it.

( Warning, if you  have gotten out of the habit it is going to feel freaky and false and he is going to be a bit confused, but keep at it, the rewards are worth it)

Doc says..
Keeping Her in Mind

It took me a long time to realize something about myself, which is that there are two things that I want from being married. First, I have always wanted to be adored. Yes, that's the word, and it's really the only word that expresses it. Second, I want to adore my bride in return. I actually realized the second thing first, chronologically, and for a long time I thought I was supposed to love without wanting anything in return; that somehow I was being a male chauvinist pig to want the adoration that I believe in the final analysis all men really want. What I didn't realize is that one doesn't happen without the other or, when it does, it's not what makes a marriage work. Altruistic love is an intensely powerful force, and selfless love moves mountains; this I truly believe. But I have also come to believe that to make a marriage all it can be the adoration must be mutual.
It isn't that you shouldn't want to be adored, it's that you can't ever take it for granted. Because it's not enough to worship your spouse. You have to show it, every day.

Want to be happily married? Try this ...
Buy her a flower, just one, when it isn't a "special day"
Trust her and ask what you can do to help, even when you're not sure that her decorating idea will look the way you want it.
Tell her she's beautiful, especially when she isn't dressed up and when she isn't expecting it.
Notice something she did for the house, for you, or for the kids, and say thank you, even though it's what she does every day.
Kiss her very softly on the cheek as you get out of bed to go to work or, better yet, as you get up early on Saturday to make breakfast.
When she least expects it, when she's doing something ordinary, tell her how sexy she looks or that she takes your breath away.
Never, and I mean NEVER, take for granted how hard she works every day.


Ok.. Maddie here... What are you doing to assure the health and growth of your marriage?
What marriage topics would you like us to tackle on future Mondays?

1 comment:

fairyrocks said...

This is such a lovely post. How wonderful that your DH responds in such a candid loving way.

I know your words will help many couples to change their inner and outer dialog.

You are correct the more you accentuate the postitive the happier everyone will be.
And what a marvelous gift you give to your children," To know their Mom and Dad are in Love"