A Hot Water Couple- Marriage on Monday

The couple that bathes together stays together, at least that is what I was going to call this post but thought better of it but obviously not by much since there it is all out there and in print. And honestly it’s not at all about the bath ( which I will admit is divine, decadent and delightful) and more about the time that Doc and I set aside for each other each and every day. While it is rarely more than 30 minutes and many times it is in complete and compatible silence that time together soaking is a critical part of the longevity and health of our marriage. Since let’s be honest, as wonderful as kids are they are TOTAL butinskies and it is all but impossible to have a real conversation or any real couple-quality time with them around. And since our marriage has been chock-a-block with kids since the very first day it was critical that we found time that was just for us.

In the BTBBTD { before the big bathtub days) the shower was our choice of quite nightly refuge and while not as overall relaxing it was one place where we could spend some hot and steamy time and have a conversation without interruption. I seriously think that quite few of our life plans and big conversations were made as our hot water tank drained to cold. But as I said it does not have to be the shower or tub. I know one couple who puts on music to do the dishes together each night while the kids are banished up-stairs to get ready for bed. It’s their time to connect, talk, plan and have an extra glass of wine while getting done what needs to happen to keep their life on track. They consider is quite romantic and have a wonderfully healthy marriage! I personally will take our bath over doing dishes but any port in a storm!

Of course if you have very small ones you have to be even more creative but each and every marriage is worth giving each other at least 15-30 daily minutes of solely devoted time to each other. And while this might sound like a pitifully small amount of time the current statistics say that the average couple today spends less than 4 minutes a day in direct communication…it’s something to think about

Lets’ see what Doc thinks…. 

Taking that time is so important!

There are three times of the day that I most look forward to: the first is time to run in the morning, the second is reading to the boys after dinner, the third is bath time with Maddie after that. Their importance is not necessarily in the same order, but you'll note that one time is for me, the other is for the kids, and the third is for our marriage. The activities aren't as important as making sure there's time for all three.

Most people take time for their kids, perhaps mostly because children don't give us any choice; the squeaky wheel does, after all, get the grease, and kids are nothing if not squeaky about their needs. But how many people do you know who don't take time for themselves? And here I don't mean time that needs to be self-indulgent or excessive, just a bit of time will do, to run or walk or meditate or read or sew or ... The key is to make sure it's something that you enjoy, and something that gives you energy. And no, mindless television or video games don't count, because those activities rarely provide energy and because they are rarely nourishing.

The time I find most people missing is the third time, time for marriage. Even those who take time for themselves and who do everything for their children rarely seem to take time for their spouse or partner. Family time doesn't count, by the way - that's just time for the kids in disguise (as Maddie says, people with children don't take vacations, they take trips with the kids). What's needed is time to remember why you fell in love with this person, why you decided at some point that you wanted to spend your life with them. For Maddie and me it's usually the bath, which I love, but take your pick. Just make sure you do it, and make sure you let your "other" know how important this time is, and how much they mean to you.

"Honey, there's a beautiful naked woman in my tub."

1 comment:

Grammy Goodwill said...

This is a great post. It's what Hallmark should write in their wedding cards! You've given some wonderful advice to keeping a marriage strong.