The Sorta Serious Couple - Marriage on Monday

A slightly silly moment, caught on film

Maddie asks......
If you were to use one word to describe yourselves as a couple what would it be?  Are you ( as a couple) lighthearted? Silly? Romantic?  Have you ever really thought about? and if so does it  settle well with you and what you thought marriage would be? I was told not long ago that Doc and I are rather a "serious" sort of couple and I am not sure if it was said as a compliment or not.  This buzzed in my brain as I looked at this photo.

It's rather grainy to be sure but there is only so much  you can expect from an IPhone at 9pm while sitting on the porch relaxing after a nice meal. It caught this admittedly serious couple in a rare silly moment while we goofed around with our iPhones as the sun set and the first Fireflies of the season made themselves known.

It's true, Doc and I are a serious couple, serious partners, parents and lovers. And for a while I worried about that, since there seems to be a small undercurrent push to be the "fun couple" when you look at most of today's popular culture. Doc and I  are not giddy, or sporty and not "the fun couple" to be sure and you know what, I have become totally cool with that. I am cool with it in the same way that I am cool with not being the "fun mom"* since at heart that is just not who I am and to be otherwise would not be true to myself or fair to my kids.

My realization of not being the "fun mom" came way before that of being the "serious couple" and it's acceptance helped me see my strengths in being the kind of mother that I am and that in turn helped me with this whole "serious couple thing".  My life as a mother improved 100% when I shed my "fun mom" guilt and instead focused on the positive attributes of my other skills when it comes to  mothering  and the same is true for my marriage.

Serious of course does not have to be a synonym for dull  nor would I ever want it to be. We enjoy our time with family and with friends. Doc enjoys good wine and I cooking a good meal. We greatly enjoy working on big projects together and seeing them come to life. Doc treasures his time reading with the boys each night and taking them bowling each  Sunday.  I adore my time in relaxed community with other mothers and of course my crafty pursuits.And of course I would be remiss to not mention our seriously passionate time together, but most of all I enjoy our steady predictable nature as a couple  and if that is serious- so be it :)

Doc says...

The first thing that struck me reading this is that I'm not altogether sure how I feel about it. There's so much baggage that goes with being "fun" or "serious" or just about any other label.

Words interest me, and using them precisely to communicate meaning is a fascination of mine. A case in point: I think most everyone knows that Maddie and I met on the internet long before that was common. For 6 months we had only words with which to communicate. We spoke by phone after the first month or so of emails and chat, but never saw each other or sent pictures during that time (I was initially using a DOS computer with only text, if you can believe that! - yes, the Earth's crust hadn't quite cooled yet). We had words alone with which to share our thoughts and emotions. I am convinced to this day that a lot of why we communicate with each other as well as we do, and are so close to one another, is that we were forced to be very precise about what we were saying in order to make sure we understood one another.

So back to us as a couple. If the opposite of "fun" is "boring," then we're way more fun than Maddie has suggested. But if the opposite of "serious" is "frivolous," then serious it would have to be. We're definitely neither boring nor frivolous. "Passionate" comes to mind - we are each passionate about what's important to us, and about each other. "Determined" comes to mind, too, because I know we are both very determined to support one another and to provide for, and protect, our family. To be sure there is a great deal of joy in our house, so "joyful" wouldn't be a bad choice either. But yes, in the end perhaps the best word is "serious" after all, and I could get to think of that as a compliment. What's funny is that, until Maddie sent me this post for comment, I've always thought of myself as "serious" and Maddie as being way more "fun" (just read our two blogs and compare them and you'll see what I mean!), and I always thought there was something wrong with me because I'm not more fun. But now that this comes up, maybe "serious" isn't a bad thing after all. I could learn to like that!

So what word would you use to describe yourselves as a couple? You might sit together and see what words come up. You could play with refrigerator magnet poetry. I guarantee you that you'll learn something about each other, and about your relationship, and when you have the right words they will click for you. If you care to share, let us know what you find out!

** for more talk about being true to yourself as a mother I HIGHLY recommend the book, Liberated Parents, Liberated Children  This book is older but worth it's weight in parenting gold and I will talking about it more over the coming weeks.


Audrey Pettit said...

Lovely post, Maddie! I think what you and your husband has is very, very special. :)

Sherry said...

Awww, Les stole my My one word is,passionate. Passionate about our values & beliefs, our family and of course our kisses:)

fairyrocks said...

Very interesting post....perhaps you are an 'interesting couple'?
My one word would be hard to narrow down...and I am learning not to label or live with uncomfortable labels.
But, aside from being in 'wonderfully in love'
...which is 3 words....I would have to describe us as 'Strong'
We spend a lion's share of our time apart. We really appreciate our time together.
We trust each other, We are united in our parenting style. What ever life gives us that is good we embrace. Whatever life gives us that is hard, we deal with together.

Anonymous said...

We are a strange and interesting couple who seem to defy all the traditional definitions and expectations.

Chloe said...

I think the word I would use to describe you two is "fascinating". I am fascinated by your story and your lives together. You are both interesting people who think interesting thoughts in unique and unusual ways. I like that very much.

I'm not sure what word I'd use to describe us. I'll probably be thinking about that for the rest of the day until I come up with one.

Leslie G said...

I like this Doc guy. You should keep him around.....

Unknown said...

Lindsey and I talked about this, and, honestly, I find it hard to classify who or what we are as a couple. So I won't.

The main thing I know is that come what may, is that I'm crazy about him, and that I have his back, and he has mine.

BigLittleWolf said...

This is an interesting question, but also points out why I don't like labels for people (in any context), and I especially don't like one word labels.

Most of us are far more multifaceted - capable of being funny, serious, silly, playful, romantic, accepting, critical, sexy - or any number of other descriptors at a point in time.

So I'll stick with that. A whole list, which, if I had to come up with a single term might be "real."

And in Land of Oh-So-Many-Faces-to-Wear, maybe that's not so bad.