Remembering Gabriel Liam


11 years ago today an angelic baby boy was born to Doc and myself. His birth was rapid, horrific and to this day we still bare the physical  and emotional scars of his rapid entry to this earth. Some people know about Gabriel Liam and other who have entered into our lives later than his birth and subsequent death do not. It is not that we hide him, not by any means in fact we are quite open about his birth, my then unknown condition and the reason that he died just 48 short hours after his birth.

Some people ask and others just wonder. In fact I was taken aback the other day to find out that multiple people had come to my blog based on the Google Search phrase " how did Maddie Kertay's baby die". To see that right there in Google analytics was shocking but I choose to see it as people caring for me and my family but unable to find the right way to ask what happened.

Gabriel was born after 1 hour of roller coaster wild labor during which  I was having an unknown  Placental Abruption due to the fact that I had an un-diagnosed condition called Protein S Deficiency Factor. Gabriel was very large...really, really large, just a bit under 11 pounds to be exact so very hard to deliver but came he did and he was not breathing. He was resuscitated but his time without oxygen was too long and this meant he had no brain wave function. It was a with great difficulty  that we made the choice to gracefully let Gabriel pass from this world and over the course of 48 we rocked him, read to him and sang to him all while we watched his numbers and heartbeats trend away on the  monitor. On July 2 Gabriel Liam Kertay left this earth strongly held in the arms of his daddy and his soul mixed the the stars in the sky and nestled between each blade of grass to forever to be woven into each molecule of my universe, I take comfort in this. 
 His existence had been created from stardust and to there he returned.

He is missed beyond words and we contiune to life, laugh and love in his honor.

11 comments:

from the SpiritsFold said...

Maddie, you tell the story of your son's short life beautifully. A wonderful way for a Momma to honor her son. I'm very sorry for the loss you and your family experience.
~lynn

Jodie said...

So very sorry for your loss.

Robyn of Coffee and Cotton said...

It doesn't seem like 11 years. His presence in the Universe is huge and you and 'Doc' bring him great honor. Love you Dear Friend

fairyrocks said...

Hugs for Mom and Dad.
There is no sadder story than this.
My heart is with you today, I will think of you and your sweet baby when I look to the stars.

Rhissanna said...

This was hard to read. I am so sorry to hear of your grief and can't begin to imagine the pain this must cause all of you. You're very brave to post something so close and personal. You're in my thoughts.

B

SewCalGal said...

Maddie, I am truly sorry for your loss. Gabriel will always be in heart as you have such a strong motherly love, that he will never be forgotten.

SewCalGal
www.sewcalgal.blogspot.com

Grammy Goodwill said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You never forget, you just learn to cope with the sadness. Hugs from VA.

Carol n said...

Peace my friend to you and to your beautiful family.

suzi yee said...

Thank you for sharing your heartache and joy! I have a Gabriel, too and I cannot imagine him leaving..... The last sentence was so touching and beautiful...it will stay with me forever! My heart is with you, your husband and your star child, Gabriel!

suzi yee said...

P.S.
Actually....the last few sentences are so profound.....my words fail me!

Audrey Pettit said...

Oh, Maddie!! I didn't know, and my heart goes out to you and your family. Your story has moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing and sending you all my ((hugs)) and love.