Saying Goodbye Mary Jane- My wake up to the way of shoes.

As I have mentioned before I am spending more time on myself and my wardrobe this fall in an effort to regain my sexy that seems to keep trying to scamper off when I turn my back on it for even a little bit.  So in order to make things easier I have been culling the ugly, ill fitting and unflattering out of my wardrobe so that only the best remains, leaving me with only good options when I drag myself up in the morning and walk into the closet to get dressed.

As I try on things and wear them I  reflect on how they make me feel. Even if something fits well and is  comfortable I have found that certain items give off a certain vibe that makes me feel less than confident and sexy, they makes me feel "cute".  Cute, like fuzzy kittens and hello kitty. Cute like an 8 year old girl with a basket of puppies.  I have figured out that I don't feel good when I am "cute".

Perhaps I have crested the age wave that can wear cute as a look and pull it off, I don't know but what I do know is that I feel about as powerful as a limp dish cloth when I wear certain items. Case in point- shoes, in fact  the "cutest" shoe of all.. yes.. the Mary Jane.

Perfect for little girls, possibly doubtful for grown women.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MJ's with all my heart. On little girls they break my heart every time. On teen girls they look fresh but on myself.. well they make me feel sweet and cute and powerless and slightly asexual.  I am closing in on 44 years old .. and I am not sweet and cute. I am a lot of things - hot, sexy, maturing, powerful,curvy and  dynamic but not cute.

It took me a while to figure it out and it dawned on me the day I put on a sweater dress and tights and then slipped into a pair of brown suede MJ's that sat on the floor of my closet.. I looked like a school girl, a cute overage school girl .. it felt wrong. I took them off and pulled on some boots.. much better. In fact by just pulling on the boots my posture changed, how I felt shifted.. it was weird and a VERY powerful lesson.

A few days later I got the chance to be out and try on some shoes just for fun so played with the idea trying on what was a more childish style and then something more mature/sexy/ industrial.. anything other than cute. It proved true each and every time, I was swayed by my shoes.. oh what a footwear sheep I am!

After that I pulled a lot of pairs of Mary Jane's to compare..  I pulled these which are very similar to some Clarks I own..

Yep.. I felt like a dud in the them. They were indeed comfortable but left me feeling  rather "meh" in the power, sexy and confidence department. .. and so it went.. pair after pair with some being a bit better but most not rating more than  couple seconds on my feet until they were returned to their box.

I did have more success with this style.. a bit of a heel, some retro vibe but still a technical MJ. They put some pep in my step and some swing in my hip and were amazingly comfortable but are indeed a bit of a heel so while it is a height I can wear daily they are not right for  trip to the park with the kids.  Guess that is where I will wear my boots!

So, you might now think I am crazy.. or not... do yo have clothes that are perfectly decent but bring up weird  stuff for you.. so much so that you really can't wear them and feel good... tell me.. make me feel less weird!


Tina S. said...

I just wish someone would put me on "What not to wear"...

Les Kertay said...

I posted this on FB, too, but wanted to share it here for other readers.

Have I mentioned that I love the way you think? Admittedly, I love everything else about you, too, but this isn't blind worship. This post shows that thinking about clothes, shoes, how you look is also about who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Too many people think that "fashion" is just about appearances - but it's ultimately about how our outside reflects what's inside. What a cool post to wake up to.

Oh, and in my book, only a fool would ever think of you as anything other than powerful.

Diane said...

Oh hell yes - every women has this issue to various degrees. The dress that made heads turn, the shoes that made you feel you could kick butt (any butt that needed kicking)...even the jewerly that used to be your signature piece. Trouble is - just because they are representative of who you once were does not mean (for better or worse) they are representative of who you now are. So once again and as always, you are right...if it doesn't feel right now, it doesn't matter how totally right it used to feel...fact is, it doesn't feel right now. But you've got to pay attention to it - you can't just auto-pilot on your go-to outfit or look from a year (or two or three) matter how cool (or hot) it looked then, the times they are a-changing and we as women have changed, too. One of the hardest things for me to give away was my favorite pair of 4 inch Etienne Aigner heels...loved those shoes so much...hadn't wore them since I broke my foot years ago...once I accepted that I was over the power-suit-power pearls-power heels phase of my life, it made it easier to move on. said...

You are not weird. We come to various stages in our live and development of self. You know the obvious ones....what is cute when we are small, what is everyone else doing as a teen, what do boys/husband/significant others think...then what do we think...or just because I can.
So I admire you for sharing your self growth and self being with others. In fact I've been in the just because I can sweat pants and tees phase and thanks to you have been thinking....what can I be and do...not what can I not be and not do. Thanks Maddie and Les.

Ami said...

Oh, dear. I have that very same pair of Born shoes. Sigh.

Rhissanna said...

I LOVE the MJs. But I'm a big girl now. Boots are the way to go, as you've already said. Cute, sexy boots. They don't even need a heel to look sexy and confident. Wear them with a skirt (and opaque tights if you have leg worries) and you'll look hot, regardless of how old you are.

Yes, looking hot matters. It changes how you feel about yourself and it matters to the people you meet.

A Spoonful Of Sugar said...

Love the new boots Maddie!

You have hit the nail on the head with this post. Clothes and shoes can really influence how you feel about yourself. I have done a big wardrobe cull recently too - I am now being more selective when buying clothes and trying to make sure I only buy things that really flatter.

Claire said...

This is really making me think about my wardrobe. There are garments of mine that are relics of my early teen years; a time when I wouldn't be caught dead in anything "cute" or "girly". I'm not the same person I was at 12, but I still have some of the clothes. Time for a purge.

B. said...

thank you. thank you. thank you. Going through the exact same thing at this moment of my life. WHEW!!! Thought it was just me. Have to toss and update. BUT HOW???