Caulk Makes the World Go Round

Ok.. the bathroom remodel is going so slow that it just might be going in reverse.. but at least today I finally got around to getting the beadboard caulked in. Which means that tomorrow I can sand and slap on another fast coat of primer so that maybe if the paint Gods are feeling fine I might finally paint the bathroom.. I am not holding my breath but I do have hope.

As I started on this process last week I promised a story about my previous adventures with caulk..

I am a DIY junkie, seriously I get all excited at a new issue of Family Handyman Magazine  ( FHM) as I do a new sewing or quilting magazine.  I love seeing the new products  but am often bummed at how long it takes for them to get to our market. Chattanooga TN is not the capital of DIY it seems - Crazy!

So years ago I read an article about the new elastrometric caulks  that were ideal for old homes that shifted due to weather so I went off in search of this new wonder product for my own old and seasonally shifting home.

I was short of time that day and started my search at my local Mom & Pop hardware store near to my home.  This place is small, and more expensive but the people that work there know the products. At the time there was an older (80+) gentleman- lets call him Hal*   working there and while not fast, he had an amazing amount of knowledge which made up for the fact that he was also hard of hearing. When he spoke he shouted with a serious Southern drawl  since  I guess he assumed that you were also hard of hearing and a fan of Gone With the Wind.

So on this oh so magical day I went in looking for my dream caulk ( quit laughing!).. and  I asked him about it, explaining about how I had read about it in the FHM  we went that way  and found the display laden with a sad selection at best. He handed me a tube of ordinary tub and tile caulk and I explained again that is was "special" caulk that  stretched and got bigger and then shrank back when not in use.  He looked perplexed.

 Well  as my luck would have it my local mom and pop hardware store had not as of yet upgraded to the fancy ear-piece/ CIA-style  of in-store communication . They were in fact just past the tin-can and string stage of sales associate  communication using really large and loud walkie-talkies.

So Hal being the helpful ( and yet somewhat deaf and Southern) soul that he was whipped out his trusty walkie-Talkie and pumped the button that I can only assume was labeled ~ Screach~ so that each and EVERY sales associate in the place was put on alert to a pending message to be delivered via the black box clipped to their belt.

Now I have to say that the rest plays in slow motion when I think about it.. (ever been in a car wreck?.. sort of like that)..  ~ SCREACH~..  " This is Hal and I am with a young lady that is looking for some fancy caulk and it seems that all I have over here is plain caulk, she wants something that can stretch and get bigger when it needs to and I just don't have anything for her, well,- we have some colored caulk but that is not what she needs right now either."

At this moment the whole store goes dead silent... really you could have heard a pin drop... or possibly my jaw... slowly you start hearing little giggles.. then chuckles, then the sound of people obviously bracing themselves over bags of potting soil as they wept in mirth at exactly what it sounded like I was looking for..  (Please note that if so far you are confused or don't know why this is funny.. throw on a fake Southern drawl and read the previous paragraph out loud to yourself and the ones you love)

I SO wanted to laugh.. really I did.. or maybe be swallowed up by the earth.. it really was a toss up.. but this poor guy had no idea what was going on...  and honestly it might just have been better that way.

To this day.. I can't look at a tube of caulk without a giggle since we all know that  caulk that gets bigger when you need it to be and then shrinks away when you don't is just what every girl needs!

~ The names have been changed to protect the innocent and caulkless


Deb Berkebile said...

Love this! This made my whole day! LOL! You should venture over to - there are some stories there in the same context as yours! I love your blog...I feel a great connection after reading just a few of your stories! LOL

Mary said...

OMG! I was laughing so hard I literally got a stitch! and my eyes watered! and not sure my underpants are entirely dry now. I live in a small Texas town, and I not only can imagine the scene, I've been a bystander in one or two! Then there was the time (at work mind you) the fixit guy came to repair the keyboard tray on my desk. I ever so innocently (HA!) said "all it needs is a good screw".

Cowtown Quilts said...

Oh, God! Thank you for the laugh today, Maddie!

Emily C said...

Oh, my god. That is priceless.